Honorable mention: sorryimissedyourparty.com

Oh, Broseph... I TOLD you about those Oakleys, didn't I?

Lame.

Back up off my chili fries, Ed Hardy

Oh, fashionistas. Please, stop.

If you're gonna spend THAT MUCH money to buy something that looks like a tattoo... get a f*cking tattoo.

Remember when Von Dutch flashed in the pan? None of you would be caught DEAD wearing it now. But Christian Audigier, the guy with his name splashed RIGHT UNDERNEATH Ed Hardy's on all that crap? Well... I hate to break it to you, but it's the same guy.

Back up off my style, hoochies. Put your bangs back down. Dear god, DO NOT wear Apple Bottom jeans with a five-inch cuff. And STOP PRETENDING THAT BUYING A $300 SHIRT WITH TATTOO CRAP BEDAZZLED ON IT IS THE SAME AS GETTING A F*CKING TATTOO. I've sat through twenty-plus hours of bleeding pain so far, and my half-sleeve isn't even done yet! It's not the same as walking outside of Nordie's so you can get cell reception to beg your mom to let you put that oversized shoulderbag on her AmEx. I promise.

And no, that one-color tramp stamp doesn't count.

You're just going through a phase. Put the Ed Hardy down and go back to Banana Republic.

Please.

(And Christian Audigier... unless you have a WICKED back piece under that overpriced t-shirt with your effing name on it.... you have some 'splaining to do.)

I hate your sunglasses: sore loser edition (or, do YOU like fishsticks?)

Ok.

So I've already ranted about the miniblinds sunglasses fad... please excuse me for a minute while I reiterate how lame both the sunglasses, and the guy that restarted the fad, are.

I remember thinking those things were SO cool... in 1986. Then I put a pair on.

I was 6, and I knew better.

I mean, really. They serve NO purpose. People can still see your eyes. There's no UV protection. No impact resistance. No light blocked. No glare reduction.

In other words, about as useless as Kanye himself.

I mean, really. This a-hat had to pull a microphone from a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL'S hands... to complain that Beyonce didn't win... even though Beyonce was nominated for, and proceeded to win, a completely different award? Please. Really... look at the picture above. He reminds me of that old Chris Rock bit about Jermaine Jackson's greezy self. Plus, it looks like he covered himself in cornstarch or something. He's like the Ron Jeremy of hip-hop... somehow, he made it big, but he's still so gross and sticky-looking that one has to wonder how in the hell he even got there in the first place. Sure, I personally think that the music made by all three is pap (don't even get me STARTED on 'Put a Ring On It), but a lot of people are into that garbage, and Taylor Swift must have made some good garbage, to win that award. So why not let her win? (Not to mention... WTF, Kanye? What do you have to do with ANY of this? If I knew you, I SO wouldn't invite you to my birthday party... you'd probably push me over to blow out the candles before I got to them.)

It's obvious enough (from this ugly-glasses-polo-shirt-gee-I'm-a-dick fad) that young people are going to imitate him. So why publicly humiliate someone who worked hard to earn some recognition? I'm sure even bad press is good press... or something. But demeaning Taylor Swift on a music award show that I'm pretty sure even God tiVo'd was a little out of control. Way to be a role model.

But... big kudos to Beyonce for giving Taylor her moment in the sun.

So, to end a ramble with no other point than to say, Yo, Kanye, you a dick... Yo, Kanye. You a dick!

I hope your retinas detach.